Launceston; You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and inbreeding. Fremantle have drawn the shortest of short straws again this year and will head south to play football on a wet rock in the middle of Tasman Sea the locals call 'Tasmania'. Hawthorn will be their opponent, in a sponsorship deal which sees the Hawks play a few games there a year in exchange for food and medicine. Even though it's two months into the season and Fremantle have not managed a win, they've still decided that the trip is beneath them and sent over the B-Mantle side - although this time around you'll have to be paying attention to notice the subtle differences. The entire Fremantle forward line will stay home in Perth, with Matthew Pavlich declaring in October 2015 that he would have a calf injury for this match. Michael Barlow will also miss, unable to find thermal underwear that will cover his giant arse. Zac Dawson isn't playing, to know why you'd first have to be able to explain why he normally gets a game. Into the side come three blokes with no choice, Ed Langdon, Clancee Pearce and Zac Clarke; although their forced inclusion is expected to be looked by a panel headed by Professor Allan Fels later in the season.