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There are plenty of experts around in the lead up to the draft. No matter how obscure the team or how few games the player has played, you are sure to find a dossier on why they will be the next big thing. The problem is that every player is described as the perfect footballer - highly skilled, plenty of pace, has great hands, can play either forward or back. Six months later you find you've drafted Brendon Fevola.

A form line of a couple of years as a school kid isn't the sort of thing you'd want to be backing your house on, (although it's apparently not a worry for Phil "Do You Reckon We Can Fit Another Swimming Pool Behind The Tennis Court and Next To The Stables" Smart). We at dockerland are always looking to improve the system, sure you could put the age up to 21 and actually draft AFL ready footballers but that's the easy way out. Anyone who's picked up a small fortune backing Docker Dessie will be well aware that choosing a winner by it's name is the most reliable system in the world.

The Dockers have toyed with this system over the years. In 1998 they decided to take a theme based approach and naturally chose a sea based theme. Daniel Schell, Andrew Shipp and the incorrectly spelt Garth "biting" Taylor. They failed miserably and gave up. A couple of years ago the program was reinstated when Byron Scahmmer was drafted - clearly the coolest named player in the AFL - with tremendous results and in 2003 they opted for a Country & Western Band theme, discarded the form book and went for Dunn, Murphy, Mundy & Cambell with mixed results.

This year things are going to be tough though. The system has relied heavily on the Young & The Restless generation being of drafting age with plenty of freaky deaky names out there to pick up. Seeing American soap opera characters abandon the apostles for all sorts of weird and crazy names inspired many a mother to give her kid a similar name in the hope that they might grow up to have a series of love affairs while fighting for control of the family business and surviving numerous deadly accidents. But that generation seems to have come to an end and the Homophone generation has taken over. These parents want to rebel with weird names but they were too scared, so they just fiddled about with the spelling. It's like getting a swear word tattooed on your inner thigh.

It's been making life impossible for the poor old scouts who have to try and spell the names and even harder for those looking for the cruel and unusual to select their players by.

Some picks are already known with Carlton putting their and up early to take Jonathon Cheetham, St Kilda getting dibs on Ryan Gamble and Port Adelaide are expected to fight it out with Collingwood over Marcus Crook. Shaun Higgins should find strong support from fans of 20 year old television shows, particularly considering the draft this year will fall in the month of Mo-vember. And the West Indian cricket team are expected to make a play for Courtenay Dempsey.

It comes as no shock though, that Hawthorn were very keen to secure as many early picks as they could get their hands on this year. With a Shannon, a Beau, a Josh, a Preston, a Nate, a Wayde, a Marc and a handful of Todd's, all in the top 10, they're in middle class yuppie kid heaven. Hawthorn officials will have ponytail combs on standby on draft day to ensure their players look the part in the post draft press conference.

It'll be a bit tougher for the non-gay clubs though. The Johny Cash school of drafting, which tells you that a kid with a girly name is going to have grown up to be tough, is usually a sure thing but this draft is even light on for woofters. For some reason there are parents around still calling their kids Shannon but aside from that it's boys names all round.

Luckily, there is always the fail safe system - the Wouldn't You Like to Hear Dennis Cometti Say That Name school of thought. For those a little slow, this involves picking players with names that you'd like to hear Dennis Cometti say. With Clive gone and Winston Abraham a fading memory, Fremantle need a player who's mere name gets people excited.

Top on the list of most clubs will be Scott Pendlebury, particularly when you add the fact that he's a late coming to the game. Dennis loves a bloke who he knows more about football than so Pendlebury is sure to get a good run over the next few seasons. Fremantle are hoping that his first name will scare other clubs off of Adrian Bonaddio but they'll be focussing most of their attention on Tim Looby but rumour has it there has been a split in the coaching ranks with some factions being keen on Dicky Douglas. James Podsiadly is also expected to be hotly contested but after the surprise selection of Jack Juniper last year, don't be surprised to see Danny Dzufer heading west this year.

The third major area of namedraftology is ready made nicknames. It's hard work coming up with a new nickname for every player that comes along. You have to wait and see if they do anything stupid, unusual or incriminating. Most of the time you just have to whack a y on the end of the name. That's where the strength should lie with this years player group with some of the standouts being Patrick "Easy" Ryder, "Chippin" Dale Thomas, Danny "The Knife" Stanley, Darren "Paul" Pfeiffer, Trent "Batman" West, Sam "Checkout" Iles, Alipate "Belinda" Carlile, Brad "Sexy Eyes" Sutcliffe, Hayden "Winged" Kiel, Sam "Copper" Lonergan and the carry over from a former Freo coach - Marcus "Ringo" Drum.

So, there are still plenty of quality names out there to choose from but one player who Fremantle supporters will be keeping a close eye on this year is Cleve Hughes. There are only a few players in the AFL who have been known by just one name and most of them have come from Fremantle - Clive, Winston, Jeff, Dion, Kingsley- it's a tradition that the club are keen to see repeated and Cleve has got cult figure written all over him. It's like saying Clive in a Welsh accent, so even if he does forget to put his arms up when he takes a mark, or runs in the wrong direction - he'll sound bloody good singing the team song (just don't let him into town when the sheep truck are in).