From far and wide they came to celebrate Eagles Suck Day. Christian and Muslim, black and white, Pakistani and Darrell Hair. A ceasefire was declared throughout the entire Middle East Region, Chappell Corby had another 3 months knocked off her sentence and a bloke in Rockingham reckons the Eagle on his Eagles Sucks poster has started crying rose oil tears. Events kicked of in Fremantle with a dawn march through the city centre. An effigy of Chris Judd burned outside Culley's Tearooms before they kicked on up the coast keying 4WD, sticking Eagles Suck stickers about the place, tipping red paint into the ocean to make it purple to avoid any trouble when the sunset came and getting into fights with people who wrote 4WD instead of four wheel drive. Meanwhile the rest of the world went mad. In England they had posters plastered all over the country, from the billboards in Piccadilly Circus to the neon signs in Blackpool. Tony Blair took time out from his farewell speech to acknowledge the good work being done by Fremantle supporters. "Wherever I am, whatever I do, I'm with you," he said. "Wishing you well and wanting you to win. You're the future now, so make the most of it." Elsewhere in the world, the people of Africa joined hands to form the now famous Eagles Suck logo with the hope of spreading the message to anyone watching form outer space, so they too could realise that the Eagles suck. The French declared Les Aigles Sucent Le Jour a national holiday and, to distance themselves form the Eagles, spent the day not being arrogant and rude. Some even washed. The Americans, God Bless them, tried to get into the spirit of the day but they didn't quite understand what was going on and ended up beating Glenn Frey to death with his own guitar. Sadly, International Eagles Suck Day only comes once a year. Luckily there's National Eagles Suck Day, the EaglesSuck-A-palooza music festival, the Eagles Suck Spring Carnival, Eaglessuckmas and the traditional 96FM EaglesSuck Fireworks display to keep us busy until the next Derby win. But until next year, remember, the Eagles Suck.
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