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TOPIC: Captains Photo
Morgan Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #1
| Morgan |
It’s time again for my annual evaluation of the AFL Captains photo. From left to right: Bryce Gibbs* Bryce is the first of many in this photo to adopt the rather defensive ball-covering action with his hands, which really belies his villain-in-college-movie smug face. Luckily for us his left leg is so come-hither wide that the world knows how long his boardies are. *I know this isn’t Bryce Gibbs, but honestly, who could tell Gibbs and Murphy apart? Dyson Heppell I’m not sure what look Heppell is going for, but my best guess is Hollywood Hulk Hogan during his NWO days. Coincidently, the Hulkster is one of the few other pretend athletes on the planet that used more ‘supplements’ than Dyson. Jack Ziebell JZ looks like he’s sitting outside the Principal’s office, which is understandable given the Tribunal this year has reverted to a one-man hanging party. Easton Wood True fact: I forgot Easton Wood’s name, so I Googled Western Bulldogs Captain and Robert Murphy popped up like it was the 2016 Grand Final. Perhaps that’s just the algorithms getting confused by Bob Murphy constantly Googling himself. Ollie Wines If he never wins a premiership he’s still a chance to win a medal in a squarest head competition, although perhaps that competition is hotter in Adelaide than elsewhere. I’ve been thinking of opening a gym for millennials where you can work out while you get a haircut. I might approach Wines to be an Ambassador (which incidentally doesn’t count against the cap). Taylor Walker Moments after this photo was taken Walker lambasted the photographer for walking away. Walker gains points here for not tilting his head slightly sideways to hide his mismatched ears. Be your true self Taylor, be your true self. Joel Selwood One night Joel Selwood was being interviewed after a game, and my wife – who cares not for football – perked up and said “who is he, he’s cute”. Joel Selwood is sitting in this photo like knows my wife, and wives everywhere, and 50% of the umpiring fraternity, think he’s a bit hot. Stuff that guy. Phil Davis Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango? Jack Reiwoldt He really is manspreading like a bloke who won a premiership. Do you reckon that after jumping on stage with The Killers he just jumped into the Captain’s photo for a lark? Can someone check Cotchin hasn’t been rolled up in an old rug after partying with Dusty in Vegas? Jack Viney There is literally nothing funny about Jack Viney, which is all the more reason it’s a shame there is not even a hint of the Paul Hasleby testimonial turtlehead sticking out of his shorts. So close. Tom Lynch Lynch manages to embody the GC17 spirit in this photo: I’ve got nothing against him, but he just doesn’t look like he belongs. Nat Fyfe Not sure what look Fyfe is going for here, but it sure looks a lot like “get on with it d!@#khead ”. Interestingly, that is the same thought Freo fans have about Ross Lyon. Jarroy Roughhead Looks happy to be out of the sun. Dude is so white he got a freckle on his lungs. Too far? Yeah, too far. Scott Pendleboringham All the practiced charisma of a private school prefect is on display here. The eye is drawn away from him in literally every direction. Josh Kennedy Has the demeanour of a dreamy counsellor who is just there if you need him. I guess you’d learn to take life in your stride too if you were as good at footy as him, and still not even the best footballer of that name in the league. St Kilda Captain I literally have no idea who this guys is. I’m told by Michael Googlé that his name is Jarryn Geary. Is that a typo? We have captains called Jarryn now? I couldn’t pick him in a line-up of one. Cheaty McCheatface Is on the ground like the dog he is. Somehow while sitting on the ground he is still higher than at literally any point when someone even looks like tackling him. Did West Coast elevate him to captain because he was the best at ducking, or did Shannon Hurn have a prior obligation from his summer job as an Eddie Munster lookalike for Octogenarian parties? Dayne Beams With his Aussie flag tattoo complementing the name Dayne, he’s clearly doing his best to embody the look of that sketchy guy at the end of the bar that might glass you for no reason. It’s no wonder Gaff appears to be scooching away from him like a dog with worms. Bring on the season! |
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purplethai Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #2
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Dockermus Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #3
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Noddy Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #4
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purple kit Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #5
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Walter the baker Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #6
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Mushroom Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #7
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Morgan Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #8
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jimb2 Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #9
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Yossarian Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #10
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Blue1red1 Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #11
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shane Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #12
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collynaP Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #13
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Raglan Matt Captains Photo 6 years 1 month ago #14
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