For those not fluent in spin, it's what they don't say that you need to focus on. Unspoken lines in italics.
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We’ve thought it through though kind of on the fly, because Colin Barnett decided to ignore the advice of a Government taskforce on where to put the stadium.
A smart way to move nearly 60,000 people by foot, train and bus but definitely not by car to Perth Stadium.
With more trains, special event buses and walking connections than would have been needed for a stadium in East Perth or Subi thought out for your convenience, but mostly to mop up the mess Colin made.
So leaving your car at home has never been smarter, especially because driving isn’t actually an option.
Why not let the event begin with your journey, because if it’s going to take you hours to get to and from the stadium, you might as well enjoy it, say, by listening to an entire audiobook.
Perth is changing, growing, so don’t blame us for the congestion, so we’ve designed some options for you, however you travel to Perth Stadium, so long as it’s not driving.
Perth Stadium Station, the second largest in Perth, and certainly the most empty 330 days of the year, is a huge leap forward in the way we operate train services for special events, assuming you count a few extra platforms on only one train line a huge leap forward, which of course, no one does.
East Perth Station is about a 25 minute walk over the Windan Bridge – arguable Perth’s ugliest bridge - if you want to walk for ages from somewhere completely random and where you definitely wouldn’t want to walk to or from at night.
Right at the stadium's doorstep are 25 special event bus stands, which should make alighting convenient after your 70 minute commute through the CBD.
A brand new pedestrian bridge, spanning the Swan River connects you to a giant dead zone, which in turn is adjacent to plenty of CBD and East Perth car spaces.
A CBD shuttle bus service will effortlessly move you between these parking options and the pedestrian bridge - because nothing says effortless like standing on a crowded bus.
If you require acrod facilities or choose to arrive by coach we’ll have designated areas for you, assuming you are the first 100 to arrive out of 30,000 Eagles fans who have acrod stickers on their Range Rovers.
The new 6 platform Perth Stadium Station will have plenty of train services before an event or at least the end of the first quarter and a train departing every few minutes afterwards. You should be able to get on the 17th or 18th of these trains after waiting 30 minutes at the stadium. Special event services direct to the Joondalup and Fremantle lines, will also leave from dedicated platforms.
Buses are a great option too, said no-one ever. Special event buses will travel too and from the suburbs connecting you directly to the stadium – through Perth CBD traffic.
And for those who prefer to drive, head to parking in the CBD. Then take the shuttle bus to the pedestrian bridge. Because the best journeys have 3 connections, and people who drive love paying CBD parking fees, and then still having to walk 2kms.
Perth’s newest landmark opens up our foreshore, connecting you to entertainment on both sides of the river - being Glouster Park and Crown Casino - year round.
After events, this spectacular pedestrian bridge will help 14,00 people safely cross the river, with an expected 1000 to be forced to urinate over the sides, to connect with bus services and car parks in East Perth and the CBD
[Lots of footage of obnoxious looking people who clearly don’t give a stuff about sport, but are just at the Stadium for the ‘game day experience.]
This is a turning point in the way we experience events. [Can you believe someone gets paid to write this guff?]
We’ve designed it with you in mind. Assuming you are James Packer.
It’s all about choice – Colin's choice to build the stadium in the worst of three options on a peninsular, next to nothing except Crown Casino. You're welcome.
