A good line of thinking, RotV.
For ratings and to make good television viewing, which is what it would be all about, they could go for guest celeb appearances - send it in the direction of the Ted Whitten Allstars game.
So you'd give Warney a jumper, and you'd have a miked-up Warwick Capper at full forward cracking jokes and being a total w*nker. Every time someone in the side got a goal, Capper would get some laughs by complaining that they ignored his lead. Maybe they could make a special XXXXL jumper for Billy Brownless - or sew two jumpers together for him - and get some hilarious banter out of him as well.
They could be presented with the Wooden Spoon at their first home game, get that over and done with, and get on with the job of prompting the viewers to vote in and generating revenue for Foxtel.