For those of you with spare time on Friday, you can get down to the Esplanade Reserve and cheer on Johnny the Dock in the Grand Mascot Race supporting Telethon.

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It'll be a hollow victory. No Giant Beer Can, no Giant Choc Chill Carton and no Percy Penguin.

All of Perth's most beloved mascots are missing. The event is a sham and if the rumours about Buff The Bear are true then I wouldn't be surprised if the race is called off before the starting gun even sounds.

and no slime mascot - probably too busy looking after the new breed.

Apparently there was some confusion when the press release came out. It was titled "Speedy Eagle to Raise Money for Kids".

But rather than admit they misread it, they went and organised a charity football match. Stubborn to the last those blokes.

Poor GBC, quietly whisked away like a Farmer. Yet anoter victim of political correctness?

I'm not happy about the new Johnny. He doesn't look like a freak accident in a chemical lab anymore, and even my 4 yo can tell when a man is wearing socks stuffed down the back of his calves and up his biceps. He can't even ride a hover mower. What kind of mascot can't do the 1%ers?

I'm also not entirely convinced the charity match isn't a flimsy excuse for the WCE to remind themsleves and their supporters what it was like to beat Freo.

What happened to the hover mowers? I imagine there is a home of no longer fashionable mascots somewhere, where the lawns are kept immaculate, the prize wheels are always loose, waist coats never go out of style and pants are consider an extravagance.

(not to be confused with the Italian Club)

Are we actually fielding a team? Or are we just putting 18 cardboard figurines out on the paddock?

The Flymo.

A steep grassy bank, a school caretaker and a Flymo on the end of a rope.

livin' the Dream.