Most footballers look forward to the bye. They get a weekend off to relax and spend time with their families. Not Fremantle players. For them, the week off is usually 14 days of constant harassment, abuse and newspaper polls about which one of them should be sacked, stripped naked and paraded through the streets while being pelted by chardonnay corks. To return to the ground, where another team tries to run you ragged and beat you senseless while forty thousand people get drunk and shout profanities, is a pleasant Sunday afternoon of relaxation by comparison.

So, despite coming off a couple of tragic losses, they ran out onto a sunny Subiaco Oval with quite the spring in their step. The crowd were less buoyant, many still on medication after the Geelong loss and others just grumpy because of the criminal prices they are charging for food this year. But if they'd started subdued, they made up for it when Rhys Palmer slotted through the opening goal in the opening minute. 

For those who you thought that reaction was loud, it was nothing compared to when play resumed and the ball bounced three rows back into the crowd and the boundary umpire called play on. The Fremantle players were still waiting at the feet of Aaron Sandilands for the throw in while Robert Murphy was strolling in to kick a goal. The resulting boo has Subiaco Oval in danger of breaching its minimum noise allowance but umpires rarely change their decisions based on crowd reactions (except in Adelaide, Sydney, the MCG when Fremantle are playing and at Eagles games).

Rattled by it all, Fremantle dropped their guard and let a second Bulldog goal go through and the crowd's jubilation and anger quickly became less jubilant and angry.  They'd arrived at least expecting half a game where Freo beat their opponent, they weren't prepared to be behind at this early stage. But, like the sound of whales singing, Matthew Pavlich seems to have a calming effect and, when he snapped the Dockers second goal, a universal sense of calmness reverberated around Subi Oval. 

Chris Tarrant snapped a confidence boosting goal to get Fremantle into the lead and things were settling into a game of a tough game of footy. The Bulldogs would flood and wait for Fremantle to make a mistake, or for an umpire to feel the need to exhale,  then the Dockers would drop back and try and get the ball forward before the tidal wave of Bulldogs arrived on Pavlich's head.

Robert Murphy was paid a mark which failed to fulfil any of the three criteria required for such a decision to be made, and the Bulldogs got one back. Another one went their way while the Fremantle players argued about the decision amongst themselves while play was restarted.

Eventually they were able to agree that it was daylight robbery and get back to the job of navigating through the flood.  Heath Black's left foot might not quite be up to raking standards yet this season but he gave it a good roost, straight into the middle of the flood where half the Bulldogs side were clinging to Aaron Sandilands like tiny Kong Kongs trying to climb the Empire State building. Twelve free kicks were given away as the ball arrived but it didn't matter, Garrick Ibbotson had snuck right the back, scooped up the crumbs and snapped a classy goal.

The two sides continued to slog it out. Up and down the ground, soaking up the warm Autumn sun and wondering if jumpers and long socks are really appropriate outfits for Aussie Rules. Kepler Bradley was given a rousing reception for his first Fremantle goal, Scott Welsh was jeered for kicking a goal from the pocket Pavlich refuses to speak of, Dean Solomon brought the house down when he showed courage, skill and poise to blind turn his way through half of Footscray to put the Dockers back in front and Aker was kindly told where he could stick his goal after Aaron Sandilands was refused a clear mark, presumably because he forgot to fill in the proper paperwork and have it notarised by the proper authorities.

When quarter time came, 12 goals had been kicked, the crowd had been given plenty to talk about and the Bulldogs had their nose in front -  but three of their goals were pending a legal challenge by the Dockers so the result was actually much more one sided than it seemed.

Confident that the umpires couldn't continue to work at such a level of incompetence for much longer, or at least not just in favour of one side, Fremantle were feeling positive about where the match was headed.

It's quite amazing though, what two quick goals can do for your outlook. Aker kicked one from his spot, halfway up the players race, and Minson goosified Michael Johnson to put the Dogs 13 points clear.

When Aaron Sandilands lined up to take the next ruck knock, he looked over his shoulder and saw most of the Fremantle defence giving the umpires some pointers on how they could do their job better, and he thought it might be best if he could keep the ball in Freo's half for a time, because it was a discussion that was going to take some time.

He thumped it long and Fremantle got the ball outside of the control of the whistle happy canaries.  Pav took the ball on the half forward line, shook his taggers from his back then spotted up David Mundy inside fifty. Mundy marked, goaled and Fremantle crept back to within 7 points.

Luke McPharlin had the projector set up at this point and was giving an umpire a  Power Point presentation on exactly how much he sucked, complete with pie charts so there was no room for error in the midfield once again.

They moved the ball down into their forward line but some less than perfect kicking and every Bulldog player standing at full forward saw the ball hang around for quite some time.  It was tough going. the bloke with the ball was always red hot and, as the song Luke McPharlin had composed to close his presentation pointed out, you couldn't rely on the protection of the umpires if you were wearing purple (sha-na-na-na-doo-wop).

After slogging it out for the best part of 20 minutes, an exhausted kick from Rhys Palmer went as high as it did long where, sitting underneath it was Chris Tarrant and a couple of step ladders in Bulldogs jumpers. He climbed them, brought down the grab then slotted through a goal from the impossible angle.

The Dockers hit the front and, on cue, the umpires paid a string of ludicrous free kicks to hand Eagleton a goal. All of that hard work, by Luke McPharlin, had been wasted.  He shouldn't have skimped on the puppet show.

Disgruntled and disheartened, the Fremantle players dug deep as the half grew to a close.  They worked the ball down the ground and once again, Chris Tarrant pulled down a screamer. With seconds left on the clock, he decided against bombing it long and, instead, delivered a pin point, laser guided, laces out sponsors logo to the camera pass onto the ample chest of Matthew Pavlich.  Nervous, yet determined, Pav wobbled it between the posts (just) and Fremantle took a 1 point lead into the long break.

Mark Harvey's half time speech was succinct and to the point – 'don't choke'. Rodney Eade took a similar approach – 'keep at them, they'll choke'.  The supporters just sat outside rocking back and forth and weaving their baskets in the hope that the same side would return to the ground as had left.  So, there was much merriment when the siren sounded and Fremantle went full tilt at the Bulldogs and Pav had sent a ball into the top of the three tier stand, via the middle of the goals, in the opening minutes.

Looking quicker and more skilful than the undefeated Bulldogs, they started to run rings around them. Rhys Palmer bounced his way down the ground before unloading to the forward line where a couple of million bucks worth of footballer waited for their chance. Pav spilled the mark but the ball hit the ground and Twinkle Toes Tarrant was on the scene. He nudged his man out of the way then soccered through a beauty before celebrating in the style worthy of a Longmuir brother.

Fremantle were 14 points clear and on a roll. It was time for some freestyle umpiring to bugger up their momentum. Steven Dodd was punched in the throat and didn't take kindly to it. Normally a bookable offence but it was against a Fremantle player so it was just turned into a fifty metre penalty from where Freo had the ball. Dodd pointed out to Gilbee that he should keep his hands to himself by way of a nudge in the side. The umpire was red hot on to it this time, giving a free kick to Gilbee for the rarely enforced rule – nudging.  The fifty metres was cut back to about 12 metres, and the Bulldogs were gifted their 6th goal of the match.

Their momentum may have stalled but Fremantle weren't done fighting. The Doggies kept up their roving pack game plan but Fremantle were looking far too quick as they moved the ball around the ground.

Brett Peake got hold of the footy on the edge of centre square and looked ambitiously to the goal square. He sold a dummy so far away from Brian Lake that he was barely a dot on the horizon but  Lake still fell for it. He kept bouncing and weaving until he got to within his range, and unloaded from 25 metres out to bring the Freo supporters to their feet.

Brad Johnson kept them there with little more than lairising, to peg the margin back to 6 points but Ryan Crowley undid the damage with a screamer over half the Bulldogs playing list and kicked an easy goal.

The three quarter time siren was approaching and it couldn't come too quickly as far as most of the players were concerned.  Dead on their feet, it was the purple zombies v the Pepsi zombies (with the yellow zombies still unable to find any brains). They trundled their way up and down the ground with Rodney Eade refusing to change his game plan until someone dropped dead. 

Even dead on his feet, Brett Peake is still just a purple blur when he runs and he grabbed the ball at half forward, weaved past the undead and drilled his second with unprecedented precision.
 
When the siren went, the players fell where they'd stood and the trainers rolled them over to the drinks eski.

Once they'd been revived and knocked off a couple of Freezas each, the Dockers were feeling confident.  They'd learnt a lot from all the other games they'd let slip in the last quarter and were desperate not to let it happen again.

With this in mind, there was no need for them to panic when the Bulldogs put through the first two goals of the quarter to move within a kick of the lead. That would just be panic merchanting. Certainly not when you've got the best three letter name forward line the AFL has ever seen.

A long kick to the square gave the Bulldogs little choice but to scrag to a point where even the umpires could no longer look the other way. Wiz had kicked the goal anyway but the umpire brought it back to Taz, who defied their pettiness and kicked the goal anyway.

When the ball returned to the centre, Shaun McManus got the footy and picked out the only player on the ground fresher than he, Wiz. He was due for a bit of magic so, when he kicked the goal from directly in front, worked the crowd into a frenzy.

20 points up with 12 minutes still to play, everyone was feeling pretty confident and the Freee-ooooo chant rang out around Subi Oval. It gradually died down as play resumed and,  not long after, so did the confidence as Freo supporters watched on in horror at Ryan Griffen taking 17 bounced down the ground, Fremantle players falling in exhaustion just watching him run pas them. He got within site of the goals, threw the ball over to Giansiracusa and the Bulldogs crept closer.

The crowd were nervous, Mark Harvey's hair was starting to go (luckily it was going from the back first so he was just losing his mullet), Rodney Eade was licking his lips and extra police were being brought in to escort the umpires from the ground. Fremantle were slipping fast.

Then, just when it was becoming too much to bear watching, Taz booted the ball down the ground and up went the massive hands of the man they call Pav. He spanked Morris in the air then did the same on the ground, spinning one way, then another and, off a step, unloading with a goal that nearly saved the state government a fortune in demolition costs.

They weren't going to lose this one.

The Free-oooooo chant rang out once more as Fremantle supporters settled in for a rare moment of peace.

For those with week stomachs. Look away now.

Fremantle pumped themselves up for the centre bounce, they went in hard and threw everything they had at the ball. Which was great, until the ball came out the back, the Bulldogs ran it down the ground and Cooney kicked a goal.

With 12 points still in the bank, it wasn't time to panic.

When the same thing happened again and Cooney kicked another goal - panic set in.

Struggling to keep themselves upright through exhaustion, the Fremantle players knew they were in for a long ten minutes. They threw themselves at the football, mainly because it was easier than running at it. When they got the footy they imagined a world where they could milk a clock for half a quarter or hoped Pav would come down and take it from them.

With a sniff of victory, the Bulldogs had found something left in their tanks and were pressing the Dockers hard, waiting for a mistake. They were unrelenting.

Just as Fremantle succumbing to the pressure appeared inevitable, Brett Peake had a brilliant plan. He ripped his band-aid off and picked his scab, waved the blood at the umpire and play was stopped.

Brilliant but not enough. Welsh took a mark inside fifty, did everything to miss the goal but somehow got it to swing back and sneak through for a goal.

The Bulldogs had hit the front. Fremantle weren't done though. They looked deep within themselves and pushed on. 

But while they could overcome their exhaustion, they couldn't overcome their greatest foe – the umpires. With Fremantle desperate for a score, the umpires just started making up rules. Looking into the sun with a hand on your hip – brrrrp...free kick to the Bulldogs. Having flesh toned strapping  which doesn't match  the  colour of your flesh – brrrp..free kick to the Bulldogs. Having a name that rhymes with Todger – brrrp...free kick.

They kept it up till the very last seconds and Fremantle's dread of the final siren grew stronger, falling a few points short and the children of Fremantle being denied free footies once again.