For those who weren't under the impression that he already had the job, Matthew Pavlich has officially been given the job a captain of the Fremantle Football Club, taking over from Peter Bell who chucked it in at the end of the season.

Apparently there was some doubt over his position as skipper when he was refused permission to call the other players 'little buddy' and whop them over the head with his hat. All the problems were resolved however when his partner agreed for him to call her Tenille.

Pavlich will be the 7th player to be named Fremantle Captain and plans are being finalised to build statues of each of the captains in a circle around Fremantle Oval in the style of St Peter's Basilica. To keep it all to scale, a 12 foot statue of Matthew Pavlich is likely to be erected on the eastern pavilion next to the 6 foot statue of Peter Bell.

Josh Carr has been given the job of vice captain aka chief head kicker. With an ever growing list of blokes raised on a diet of raw meat and salt water, while squeaky clean Pavlich poses for photos in the paper and humours the media with answers to their inane questions, Josh has taken it upon himself to rally the troops into a finely tuned pack of mercenaries hellbent on winning the premiership or choking on the ashes of their enemies while trying. So if you have any uncooked or spoiled meat after Christmas, the club would appreciate your donations.