 | After a quiet lie down and a nice cup of tea, Fremantle return to the footy ground this week to kick off the second half of the season and make their now traditional July/August surge into the top four. Carlton have been kind enough to play the role of step ladder this week, just like they did last year, and the year before that and the year before that. | You may have noticed there's been a buzz around Fremantle over the past couple of weeks. Not because the Eagles have been tipping their drinks into the local water supply again but because expectations have been building over the long overdue return of Jeff Farmer, The Purple Jesus.
After being cruelly cut down by the AFL's policy of targeting black Fremantle players in the pre-season, and then finding himself on the wrong side of a Northbridge punch up, Jeff has been sitting patiently waiting on the sidelines watching over his team and waiting for the moment when he can make his return to glory. While the real Jesus walked the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, Jeff was forced to take a much more humbling journey of spending 6 weeks with South Fremantle. Being tempted by the locals to buy stolen televisions, wear baseball caps with numbers on the back and pretend Peter Sumich and Glen Jakovich are great Fremantle identities to be admired by all. Even away from the Dockers he’s still been able to work some of his magic. Thousands flocked to the promised land (just opposite the old trotting ground) to see him play in the Foundation Day Derby and then see him carried off on a stretcher – and he managed to win a game off his own boot for the Bulldogs against the league leaders. | | For those who have doubted just how much impact a small forward pocket could have on a football side, there have been plenty of signs to convert the non-believers over the past week.
Passers by Fremantle oval were stunned when they saw an apparition of Jeff taking a mark over the top of Gero, a bloke is said to have fallen down blind in Henderson Street Mall only to wake up the next morning with nothing more than a headache and some nasty breath and you can't buy a plate of Nachos at the Mexican Kitchen without seeing Jeff's face in a corn chip. There was even a statue erected on top of Queensgate Carpark - Freo De Wiz – so The Purple Jesus could look out over Fremantle Oval to give the players something to look up to and be inspired (unfortunately it was left out after midnight and toed to an impound yard).
And if you're hanging out around Bathers Beach watch out, Jimmy the Baptist is going around dunking people in the water to prepare them for Jeff's return to the game (the water's not so bad but for some reason part of the preparation involves him taking your wallet while your under there).
It's quite a build up for just one player but with good reason. It's not the first time Farmer has been given some time on the sidelines to have a bit of a think. Back around the start of the millennium, Neil Daniher wasn't all that happy with the way Jeff was playing so he took the unprecedented step of benching him. Something about being forced onto a long plank of wood didn't sit well with the Purple Jesus and when he was given his chance to return to the ground he made the most of his short time, producing what most fair minded people would consider the greatest half of football in the history of the game. He kicked 9 goals and took his side from struggling against a bottom of the ladder Collingwood to thrashing them and finishing the season in a Grand Final.
That was just when he was benched for a couple of quarters. This year he's been on the sidelines for 12 weeks - 48 quarters…and that's not counting pre-season games. Last year Jeff Farmer kicked 55 goals in a full season. He's only got half a season this year but he's fired up so, conservatively speaking, he should be able to kick 70 goals this year and with the pent up frustration of the past 3 months there's a better than average chance that 10 of them will come this weekend. That's not to mention the general wizardry around the ground and the likelihood that he’ll be the first player to take out all three spots in the mark of the week competition.
Of course, too much excitement can sometimes be detrimental to a side, what with the older supporters and the high fat food they like to sell at football grounds. To make sure there is balance in the side, Fremantle have brought back Shane Parker to provide the rock for Jeff to build his excitement machine on.
Parker too has been sitting on the sidelines. No one quite knows what for but the rumours go that the club was forced to discipline him after he was seen getting his hair done at a unisex salon instead of the barber shop in Hilton that is recommended by the club. Worse still, he neglected to tell the club of his actions and they were forced to find out when a journalists asked them when Patrick Dempsey had joined the club. After a few weeks in the WAFL, the feathering has grown out and he's back to his brown short back and sides best.
Fremantle defense has been leaking like a Heath Black on a big night since Parker’s suspension. Once firmly back in place, his take no prisoners tell no lies style of footy combined with Farmer’s goal kicking bonanza should see Fremantle account for Carlton well into the first quarter with extra medical staff on standby incase people get nauseous from the Mexican wave.
Even then, if a goal kicking deity and a God fearing defender weren’t enough to fill you with the confidence of Ben Cousins after a couple of bottles of water, they’ve also brought back two more stars of the game. Byron Schammer, who when you think about it does bear a striking resemblance to the Shroud of Turin, and Luke McPharlin who’s surely sung a few versus of Kumbaya in his time, will be back to give a bit more zip to the midfield and another trigger for Brendon Fevola to go mental at his team mates.
Some might call it over kill to play such a strong side against the likes of Carlton, the team who’s players are most often described with the phrases ‘is he still playing’, “I thought they delisted that bloke” and “not as good as I thought he was going to be”, Fremantle like to see it as a chance to build up a bit of confidence after the Freo Bashing Week, also known as the split round.
So bring your blind, your crippled, your lame and any lepers you’ve got lying around the place. Jeff Farmer and his mates are going to be back this weekend and they’re in a mood to perform some miracles.
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