Police have warned all residents of Perth to stay indoors for the next few weeks after Shane Parker started a rampage in down town Subiaco last night. After 5 years of being overlooked for the All Australian team, Parker finally snapped when he missed out again, not getting a jumper for the 2006 side. Police fear that he may be joined by brother Dan and the violence could turn to a full scale riot.
Parker was far from alone in this year's snub of the Dockers. Peter Bell, the little captain and likely Brownlow leader, who's carried his team on his little back from the doldrums of the bottom eight all the way up to third spot on the ladder with 9 wins in a row couldn't get a gig over an oiled up pretty boy who's off field indiscretions should have seen him barred from even winning the AFL meat tray raffle. They couldn't even find a spot for him on the bench.
Jeff Farmer kicked 50 goals from a forward pocket this year. One of the great all time seasons in the toughest position on the ground. He shrugged off criticism, abuse and lynch mobs to achieve what he achieved and they gave his spot to an over rated albino who rarely even ventures into a forward pocket, simply because he's become the poster child for Victorian football. The forward line was made up of two full forwards, a midfielder who drifts down to full forward, a midfielder who drifts as far forward as the fifty metre line and a bloke who they run off the bench when it's Anthony Rocca's nap time. The result was there was no room in the side for best forward pocket in the competition.
To make the forward line even more of a joke, Matthew Pavlich isn't in it. The best centre half forward the AFL has seen this side of the Kangaroos last premiership and they put him on the bench. 63 goals in a season from centre half forward and he's on the bench so they could squeeze as many full forwards into the side as possible. Pavlich was so insulted he didn't even bother going over to collect his plaque (and one suspects he didn't bother putting on the botom half of his suit).
Of course, what do you expect though when the selection panel comprises of a former game show host, a bloke who ended his career by gutlessly breaking someone's jaw, a bloke who carries more grudges than Springbok Bob's Carport Emporium, the biggest goose in Australian football and a bloke who works with the biggest goose in Australian football every week and refuses to tell him that he's the biggest goose in Australian football.
If you see him, Police have asked that people not approach Shane Parker but feel free to do what you like with Dan.
