Fremantle have had a lot of bad luck with the weather in Melbourne over the years. There was the day in Geelong it rained so much that Byron Schammer was lost for a week in the centre square mud; the day at the MCG it was so windy, part of the scoreboard blew off; and the day at Optus Oval they had to leave Aaron Sandilands out of the side because they were scared he might attract lightning. So, it was with great merriment they hopped on the team bus to play Essendon in bright, warm sunshine. It was a glorious day for football, unfortunately they were going to be playing it indoors.

When they arrived at the carpark roof the locals call Telstra Dome, the centre square was bathed in sunshine. Of course, the rest of the ground has a roof on it so it was dark and cold. The varying conditions proved costly for Fremantle before they’d even taken to the ground. Justin Longmuir had to withdraw from side after he went temporarily insane trying to decide on whether to wear the long sleeves, the short sleeves or the three quarter length sleeves. The trainers found him on the ground in the foetal position rocking back and forth calling for Troy and a pair of scissors.

So Fremantle went into the game with just one ruckman. Luckily it was a seven foot tall giant who eats other ruckman for breakfast…with full cream milk. So, when the 9 blokes huddled around the sunny patch to get the game going, it was unusual to see the smallest, skinniest bloke dominating proceedings. Unusual, but not unexpected because, as any Fremantle supporter will be able to tell you, the first kick always comes from the umpire. Essendon made the most of the free and Matthew Lloyd had the first goal on the board in the opening minute.

Still shell shocked from last week’s umpiring, Fremantle had to forgo their post goal punch on, fearing that making contact with their opponents might be against the ever shifting rules. So, when they got hold of the ball, the kept it away from the opposition until Peter Bell decided to give Pav the lace out, sponsors logo to the ball treatment and Pav converted to even things up.

It was great play, great footy. Unfortunately, keeping your distance from the opposition is only a really good tactic when you’ve got hold of the ball. If the umpire deems that someone tripping over their own feet is a push in the back and hands to ball to the other team, you’re in strife.

For Fremantle, strife meant Essendon kicking three unanswered goals. Fremantle went flooding back to stem the tide and Fremantle supporters’ memories started flooding back to every game against Essendon at Telstra Dome prior. Members of the cheersquad were having flashbacks and some started to go a bit Justin Longmuir.

Chris Connolly sent the message out to put Pav in the middle and it paid immediate dividens. Pav started swatting away the Essendon mosquito fleet like the small annoying insects of the same name (except for the fleet part). As an officially sanctioned star of the game, Pav knew he could hit anyone he wanted with impunity (except another made man, in which case he would need permission from Don Demitriou). They wrestled back control of the game and Luke Webster kicked a perfectly guided pass across the ground to hit Peter Bell in a sea of red and black, 30 metres out from goals. Bell jailed it and Fremantle had their second.

The Dockers were looking much better now. They had a bit of confidence back and were looking dangerous. But as much as things change, they stay the same and Monfries was given a free for who knows what and the kick, from outside fifty, caught the wind and sailed over the head of Anton Grover for a goal.

The siren stopped the Dockers from having something to say about the change in score and they went into the first break 17 points down.  

After being pelted with Easter eggs for the five minute quarter time break (not the hollow ones either, Cadbury Cream Eggs that Chris Connolly had sucked the filling out of and replaced with rocks)  the players had gotten the message that they weren’t playing like a team with an eye on the flag. When they returned to the ground (there was a slight delay as Chris Connolly polished off the rest of the eggs) they looked a million bucks. Sandilands tapped it down to McManus, McManus kicked it long to the forward line and Dean Solomon took the mark twenty metres out. As least, that’s what appeared to happen. The umpires were flirting with a new interpretation of what constitutes a mark and called play on. Fremantle had to get the ball back, give it to Chris Tarrant and watch as he sailed one over the goal umpire’s head to draw the Dockers a goal closer.

Unfortunately, with the eggs safely stored away in Chris Connolly’s guts, there was nothing left to chuck at the players to keep them on track as they continued to win the ball but spray their shots to all corners of the forward line. To make matters worse, Essendon had hit their stride again and were kicking Hird Prelim Final like goals, bouncing them through over their heads and around corners. The lead was stretched out to 22 points as the Bombers doubled Freo’s score.

Panic stations were being manned, runners were having instructions screamed at them and, without an Eagles player in sight to dish out prescriptions, Justin Longmuir had been forced to barricade himself in the medical room to protect the prescription medication from mentally fragile supporter.  But the Fremantle players kept their cool. They started to slow the game down, hold it up and work the ball around the ground.  Eventually, their patience paid off and The Not Bad White Hope, Brett Peake slotted through a much needed goal and settled everyone down.

As they continued to play it cool, things started going their way. A pin point pass from Dean Solomon gave Pav the chance to add to his total and bring Fremantle closer and all of a sudden things were starting look promising again.

Apparently it was a non-core promise though, and Essendon produced a quick reply to put Fremantle back in dangerous territory.

 

As the clock ticked down it seemed Fremantle were prepared to sit on the three goal deficit until half time in the hope they could turn it around after the break. But then, in a moment of brilliance they came to life. A Jeff Farmer like Dean Solomon waited at the drop of the ball, spun around for seemingly no reason, and snapped the then goal of the day to give Fremantle some confidence going into the second half.

 

After a better second quarter, Chris Connolly laid off the Easter Egg treatment and returned to his more traditional player address – shouting filthy words at the players until their ears bled. The were better, they were tackling hard, chasing till their lungs burst and playing smart footy but they were still fumbling the ball too often and letting their men get away too easily.

If the could tighten up their skills to capitalise on Sandilands domination of the air and follow Essendon’s lead in jagging a few goals here and there, they’d be leaving with the 4 points.

It was a slow start though. Lloyd, Pav and the hat wearing maggots kicked the first goal, the third of which was attributed to the Bombers. Going goal for goal wasn’t something Fremantle could afford to do. They desperately needed to string a few together. If only they’d spent their off season trying to recruit a big marking forward who could take control of the game and use the scoreboard to put pressure on the opposition.

Hang on a second.

Suddenly, it turned into the Chris Tarrant show. He was finding space to lead into, taking screamers, selling dummies and snapping goals and making Matthew Pavlich look ordinary by comparison. In the space of 10 minutes, with the help of Ryan Crowley, he’d taken Fremantle out to a 7 point lead. The Dockers were going to romp in at this rate.

Back in Fremantle they were backing the flat bed truck up to John Gerovich to make way for the Taz statue (for the South Fremantle supporters out there who have just gone out to the shed to get their pick fork and torch so they can storm the town hall, that didn’t actually happen. No one is touching Gero). 

As you’d expect in such a situation, the umpires were on hand for the square up and Scott Lucas pegged it back to a point before you could say “it’s good see the umpires are letting the play flow this quarter”.

As the ball returned to the centre, all eyes turned to Chris Tarrant to see what bit of magic he could produce next. Some were talking about Tony Modra’s goal kicking record being broken (they were the people who’d gotten past Justin Longmuir and into the prescription gear early in the game). All eyes that is but two. Matthew Pavlich was quietly stewing at centre half forward as the attention shifted away from him to a new star. He had only one option – to kick the greatest goal any one had ever seen in the history of ball sports.

After Matthew Carr got onto a torrie out of the centre, the ball was about to bounce out of bounds in the pocket. Pav was having none of that. He bolted from centre half forward, passed the ball in flight and let fly with a Shaolin style scissor kick to keep the ball in play.  Chris Tarrant got involved and snatched the ball out of the air as half a dozen Essendon players pounced on him. As the gang tackled him to the ground, he managed to squeeze a handpass out to Pavlich, who took the ball, spun back around so he could give Tarrant a wink, threw the ball onto the outside of his boot and snapped what should have been worth 12 points.

Fremantle players stood around in awe. Unfortunately the Essendon players weren’t quite as impressed and didn’t, which made getting around the Freo players quite easy.

The 7 point lead was quickly cut back to 1 and then evaporated to a 5 point loss when the umpire felt sorry that James Hird hadn’t had a kick. It kept drifting, out to 2 goals, then by three quarter time, Fremantle were back worse off than at half time.

16 points down with just one quarter left to play. Their ruckman was a giant of a man who’d hardly had a rest all day and desperately needed to eat someone, they were down to two on the bench with Peake injured and Gilmore banished after his first quarter, their best midfielders were coming off short pre-season and had thrown everything at the third quarter - but they had Pavlich and Tarrant playing like men possessed.

It was a tight opening. Both sides knew how important a win was going to be in shaping their season and they weren’t going down without taking a few swings. Tarrant hit the post at one end before Laycock sprayed one from in close at the other. Then Fremantle played their trump card. Paul Hasleby snapped on goal but it dropped short. Luckily, Daniel Gilmore had been given a reprieve and told to stand in the goal square. The ball bounced off his boot and through for a goal.

Leroy Jetta used his pace to kick one back for Essendon but Fremantle kept coming and Josh Carr kicked a vice captain’s goal from 65 metres out on a bit of an angle.

Freo supporters were finding voice. There was a vibe about the Dockers that said they were going to win. It was a vibe which seemed to cry – pay some iffy 50 metre penalties and see if you can kill their momentum. Always in tune to these things, the umpires did their part and Fremantle’s grip on the game started slipping as Lucas was assisted to two quick goals.

Peter Bell kicked a former captain’s goal from somewhere in Row Q but it wasn’t going to be enough when Lloyd hit some late form and kicked the Bombers 4 goals clear. The Dockers fought it out with misguided optimism, kicking two late goals but fell a couple short, hoping, after two losses in a row, that that won’t be the story in the last week of August.