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 Fremantle come up against another one of those tin pot Emperors with brand new clothes this week. The mighty Carlton Blues, who's PR campaign that knows no bounds and no morals and could have spurned from the underground lair of Trevor Nisbett himself. Based on a couple of early wins against traditionally soft opposition, the continual pumping up of Chris Judd's tyres, a string of early draft picks that are yet to eventuate into anything of note and an insane half man half orangutan that has recently lost the use of his makeshift opposable thumbs. The only thing of substance at the club is the stuff they must be smoking if they actually think they've fought their way back to a level that earns them a right to be called a football club.
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When Carlton last encountered Fremantle it was early May and the Blues were pretty impressed with themselves. They'd had win or two and were perched in the top 4. Chris Judd was being measured up for a Brownlow, Brendan Fevola had managed to stay out of an Irish prison and Brett Rattan was declaring himself a genius. They saw their game against Fremantle up at the Gold Coast as little more than a victory lap for their inevitable premiership.
Then something unexpected happened. Well, unexpected if you're a Carlton supporter prepared to believe that merely by being in the presence of Chris Judd, all the dud players they've had hanging about for years would suddenly become champions. They came up against a struggling Fremantle side and were given what experts refer to as a touch up.
Fremantle flew out of the blocks, smashed the Blues in the centre and let their young talent make a mockery of Carlton's fabled young list. By the time the final siren had sounded, Brett Ratten was on the brink of being sacked, half their side been exposed for pulling out of contests, Robbie Warnock was looking like a decent option as a ruckman, the Carlton supporters were heckling Chris Judd as he made his way from the ground and Chris Tarrant had decided to take Brendon Fevola home with him and keep him as some sort of pet.
But things are a bit different this time around. Carlton have never really recovered from Fremantle's humiliation. It turns out that they really are a confidence team and the Dockers stripped them bare. Since then, they've been trawling through their rookie list trying to uncover a footballer, they've tried to organise a series of Wile E Coyote style traps to kill off Cameron Cloke and collect the insurance money, Brendon Fevola has developed all of the most common attributes of a homeless derelict (except the homeless part), and Chris Judd has joined a support group with Scott West, Robert Harvey and Paul Kelly. |
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And that's without going into the scandals which have see favourite son John Elliot banned from the club (unless he slips Kernahan a couple of bricks to look the other way). Which pretty much puts Carlton where they've been for most of the century. A laughing stock.
Fremantle on the other hand are going from strength to strength. Making every post a winner without getting caught up in the trivialities of scoreboards or falling for the cliches about being happy to get the 4 points. Every week that goes by sees the Dockers edge that little bit closer to a flag. Uncovering brilliant young footballers that many believe are grown in some sort of underground laboratory headed up by Shane Parker and Scott Chisholm and hidden three levels under Myers, so absolutely no one will ever go there.
Since the midseason break they have had two of the premiership favourites running scared, despite only fielding a skeleton side (not a side short on players, there's just not much meat on their midfield). Geelong will go into their match against St Kilda this week still wearing the scars of their match with Fremantle while Essendon are certain to beat the Magpies this week after Fremantle ran the Pies ragged.
In both matches the Dockers were eventually outclassed and out umpired by sides a few years ahead in the development process but this week they are up against serial bunny rabbits. Most Carlton supporters are shocked when they hear Fremantle's record over the past few seasons, to them, seeing Fremantle come up in the fixtures is a queue to get some work done in the garden. 10 wins out of the past 11 matches played have gone Fremantle's way, it's like a mini derby except both sides have a forward line. This week Fremantle will go for lucky number 11 and all signs point to another easy win.
Mark Harvey has made some big moves on and off the ground this week. Matthew Pavlich will be barely missed as Scott Thornton finally gets his chance to prove that he is the competition premier centre half forward. Hayden Ballantyne has washed the oil off his hands and, without the double teaming that Mick Malthouse employed on him, should have at least three of the forward pockets named after him by the time the sun sets. Des Headland is settling into an Andrew Lockyer like finish to his career, ballooning out so that he can become an unstoppable force at full forward but is willing to take the odd break for a drink of transfat so Aaron Sandilands can camp himself at full forward and bring down screamers.
Greg Broughton has been practicing Judd sledges all week long and Matt deBoer has already filed the paper work for when Bryce Gibbs assaults him ten minutes into the second quarter, to provide some cover for Byron "In Career Best Form" Schammer and David "Don't Let Him Get a Sniff of The Captaincy, Pav" Mundy who will not only be busy racking up possessions and thinking up better nicknames for themselves but also dishing out some tutelage to Stephen Hill and Andrew Foster as they learn the ropes of being brilliant yet much maligned midfielders. Paul Duffield is expected to die his hair brown this week so he will stand out more next year in his attempt at the Brownlow.
All Australian Full Back Chris Tarrant will team up with All Australian Centre Half Back Luke McPharlin this week after both work hard at replacing the tag failed forward from their media imposed names. With Nic Suban still pushing for the Rising Star Nomination that will make his win legitimate.
Meanwhile Carlton will be blocking for Judd and hoping enough of his kicks go to Fevola that they can win. Neither bloke has ever worried Fremantle before, it's not likely to start this week.
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